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A dollop of nostalgia

You know what I miss? I miss 'the good old days' on LJ.

I joined back in 2005 for the express purpose of stalking erm, I mean *following* a couple of my favorite Spuffy writers. It took me about a year to get 'involved', but when I did it was with a vengeance. I started writing fanfic, got involved in fandoms and developed amazing friendships that have been stronger and longer-lasting than any other I've made in my entire adult life.

I used to spend HOURS on Lj, chatting, surfing, posting and reading. This place *was* my social life.

And then babies were born, life got busy and people moved on. But, dammit, I. MISS. IT.

I'm on Facebook, but it's too personal. I"m on tumblr, but it's not personal enough. LJ still seems to offer the best format that nudges in somewhere between the two - personal enough that actual relationships develop, but not so personal that your spouse/brother/parent/neighbor can follow your every move. LJ was *liberating* for someone like me who lives so completely inside my own head. I was always too embarrassed to 'be myself' in public, but unable to entirely squash the giddy fangirl inside, either. LJ was an outlet, a welcoming haven full of other fangirls who, while they might not be deep into the same fandom as I was, they still *understood*. It's like Nerds Anonymous here, really.

I guess I don't have to keep missing it if I come back, do I?

*blows dust off LJ*

Hey, look! It still works!

I'm really not sure what it is that makes me incapable of doing anything that even *remotely* smacks of socialization (even the online/email kind), but for the past several months I have been on self-imposed lockdown. Who even knows why; I CERTAINLY DON'T. I keep thinking of this old SNL skit about Greta Garbo and her notorious desire to maintain her privacy. At the end of the skit, she is hanging from a chandelier to prevent a determined delivery boy from seeing her, and she keeps repeating this mantra throughout -'I want to be *dramatic pause* alone!'. That is me.

I am fine. I am not depressed. I am not 'going through something' or at all unhappy. Overall, I feel pretty darn good, actually. It isn't even as though I have been spending more time out from behind my computer doing actual LIFE STUFF rather than futzing around online. If anything I am sitting here tapping away even MORE than I used to be. My mental state beggars description, even to me.

I am writing, and I am writing a LOT. I have put some minor effort into a bit of original fiction, but I got derailed quickly by the siren call of the fanfic world and am now 50,000 words into an epic BBC Sherlock fanfic (I ship Sherlolly - as if that's a surprise to ANYONE who knows me AT ALL). This really takes up far more of my time than it should.

I'm going to have surgery in a couple of weeks. I am bizarrely THRILLED about it, because it is something I've needed to have done for many years. I broke the cartilage between two of my ribs around ten years ago. I had surgery then to get the broken bits removed, but ultimately, it's still a pretty constant problem - lots of discomfort, almost complete inability to exercise etc - and I decided to go ahead and get it dealt with before our health care costs double next year. So yay for surgery, but boo for getting it done three days before Thor 2 hits the screen. Clearly, my first viewing of this cinematic masterpiece will be under the influences of some AWESOME painkillers.

So, that's pretty much me. I'm going to try to get out here more and keep up a little better. Maybe take some baby steps back into the world and stop hanging from quite so many chandeliers. We shall see!

Golden Hour - A Third Star fic

A few days ago, in a fit of latent masochism, I sat down and watched Third Star. It's a gut-wrenching movie about 29 year old James, (played by the inimitable Benedict Cumberbatch) who is dying of cancer and wants to take one last trip to his favorite place in the world with his three best friends.

It, quite simply, ripped my heart out, stomped it into pieces, set the pieces on fire and then stuffed them back in my chest where they continued to smolder and burn for days. I have never cried so hard in my entire adult life. It was very difficult to watch, but ultimately, it was a beautiful movie about friendship and being heroic and it's going to stick with me for a long time.

Two nights ago, this happened:

Title: Golden Hour
Characters: James/Amanda(OC), Davy
Rating: R for language and sexual content
Summary: Three weeks before the guys take their trip to Barafundle Bay, James makes one last request. A Golden Hour in his final days.
Warnings: mild language, sexual themes
A/N: This is an exorcism of sorts. Inspired by the line "I suppose, one day, we’ll live on in our kids". I wrote this whole thing in less than 36 hours, start to finish, which is, for me, completely unprecedented. What's more, I'm actually quite proud of it, which is ALSO unprecedented.

For the record, you don't need to have seen the movie.

He’s looking at me like I’ve lost my mind, and maybe I have, I don’t know. Maybe it’s not that important in the grand scheme of things, but then again, maybe it’s everything. A dying man’s wish? How do you say no?Collapse )

Seek and Find

I have been writing a LOT lately. I am working on at least three different projects, two of which are actually *gasp* original! I am enjoying the process of putting words on the page, though some days it's more of a 'put words on page...delete all the words' process, but overall I am making progress, so it's good.

My one non-original fic is, you guessed it, Loki-centric. It's been living in my brain for *months* now and it's time it saw the light of day. I have written five chapters that are more or less complete, though not sequential. I've still got quite a lot of writing left to go, but I know if I wait until it's done, which is what I initially intended to do, Thor: The Dark World will have already hit the theaters and screwed up my canon. Past experience tells me that, if that happens, I will have a hard time carrying on with my story, especially if no one has seen it but me and my long suffering reader dmacabre (I hesitate to call her a beta because I have specifically asked her only to give me her overall thoughts rather than nitpick it for me).

So, I'm kicking this party off with Chapter 1 and hoping this will help give me the motivation I need to keep working on it until it is *done*!

Should you take the time to visit my little world, I would greatly appreciate any concrit you might like to throw my way.

Title: Seek and Find
Characters: Loki/OC pairing
Rating: PG, rating will change in later chapters
Summary: Post-Avengers. Loki has returned home after the events in New York to face Asgardian justice. Found guilty, he stands to pay the ultimate price for his crimes. His one chance to live lies in the hands of the girl he once loved and who once loved him. Is there hope of redemption for the god of mischief, even now?
A/N: Please pardon my Frankensteinian usage of Marvel canon, Norse mythology, medieval society and my own, sometimes rather twisted, imagination. This will be a fairly long, multi-chaptered fic that I hope to update every two to three weeks as the chapters are completed and betaed. Many, many groveling thanks are due to the inimitable dmacabre for the red text of death as well as hashing out plot points and being all to happy to tell me when my story line is weak as a wet paper bag. Of course, sometimes I ignore her, usually to my disadvantage. Anything left screwy at this point is undoubtedly where I chose to disregard her sage advice.

We must first go back to the very start, where it all began.Collapse )


My Tom Hiddleston affliction continues unabated. If anything, it's worse than ever. I now have exactly 594 photos of the man in a file on my computer. Whoever does that 'delete my browser history when I die' can you also please take care of this folder for me? And by 'take care of', I mean, of course, bury me with glossy 8x10 copies and then delete the file from my harddrive. Thank you.

I used to think that I would eventually outgrow my silly celebrity crushes, but since I am now thirty*cough*cough*cough*, and I'm still as bad as I was in my teens, I'm starting to accept the fact that this isn't something I'm ever going to grow out of.

But come on, I mean COME ON.

Look at this:
1e47c1cbf105d522910aa0495513ae2b (2)

And listen to this, and then tell me you don't want to climb that man LIKE A TREE. OMFG.

ETA: I note for the record that this is far from being my favorite picture of him, it's just the only one I have that really fits the growly tenor of the book excerpt he's reading here (The Red Necklace is YA, if you can believe it, based on that particular snippet). Most of his other pix are all sweet and soulful or feature giant goofy smiles.


Coupla awesome things

Here is the newest member of our household. He wants you to KNEEL!

Happy Mother's Day to ME!


I love him. He is *beautiful* The detail is incredible. It's like having a tiny, stern Tom Hiddleston hanging out on your dresser (well where would YOU keep him?) He also comes with seven interchangeable hands, a couple of throwing knives, the long spear seen in the picture, the short spear, and the muzzle and manacles that he wore at the end of Avengers. Aw yiss - he comes with his own B&D gear!

Most of the rest of my Loki collection (he makes number 10. I think I'm only missing minis now) is waiting patiently in the back bedroom for me to finish re-finishing my desk so I can get my little closet office set up so that they will have a nice little shelf to live on (they will be joined by a couple of Tardis's (Tardi?), a slew of Doctor Who action figures and Jareth).

I will keep my eye out for any signs of an alliance between Jareth and Loki. Hopefully all of the Doctors will manage to keep them in line. I have several Thors that can help out too.

In other news...I AM PUBLISHED. Something I have written has been printed in an actual magazine that actual people can pick up in their actual hands and read. Item number two on my bucket list - CHECK! (my *dad* asked me if number one had anything to do with Tom Hiddleston. I told him that was ridiculous, kidnapping and making TH my love monkey was number four)*

It's just a little article in a local family magazine. It isn't going to win any awards or change anyone's life, or for that matter *interest* anyone, but I wrote it and it was approved and deemed acceptable for publication and I GOT PAID FOR IT! ($25 WOOT!)

In case you're just *dying* to read about multi-generational family living, my article is here on pages 13-14. That's right, bitches, TWO PAGES.

*Number one is to finish writing a novel, in case you're interested



I want this so very badly. I am concious of the fact that it is ABSURD, but I want it anyway. I have found it, quite reasonably priced, at $220. *headdesk*

Hot Toys - The Avengers - Loki Limited Edition Collectible Figurine_PR7

I collect Lokis and have ten or so (if you include the happy meal toy and Lego version, which I do) so it really seems a *shame* not to have a complete set.


I procrastinate. It's what I do when I don't want to do what I need to do, which is *really* often.

What did people used to use for procrastination before the internet? I vaguely recall books...

Anyway, sometimes procrastination pays off in unexpected ways. I stumbled across this today. It's a short film made for the Tropfest film festival. It's only seven minutes long and has no real dialog and it has *zombies* of all things, but I watched it twice, cried both times and have carried this intensely emotional afterimage with me ever since. It's an extraordinarily raw and powerful little film and well worth the 7:05 investment of your time.

*ETA - tissue alert, it will give you feels.

BAMF Jareth.

I was GOING to work on my Loki-fic, but got strangely sidetracked and made a new icon instead. If you don't already follow Pika-la-Cynique's work on DeviantArt and/or have never read her 'Girls Next Door' series, get comfortable and plan to spend the next couple of hours catching up. The concept is spectacularly clever, the art is lovely and the series itself is a HOOT! The cameos and mind-bending cross-overs are well worth the price of admission. I want it as a book...preferably with a worn red leather cover and the word 'Labyrinth' embossed in flaking gold leaf lettering, but I digress.

Here is the original artCollapse )

I asked her specficially and she graciously agreed to let me icon BAMF Jareth.

Mind the gaps

The past few weeks I have been riding the wave left over from the labyrinth_ex exchange and churning out wordcount like a fanfic writing MACHINE...or, at least, I was until a couple of days ago. Now, I'm stuck.

I'm in the middle of a scene with my OC and Odin and have come to a complete and utter standstill. That's not to say I haven't written anything at all, only that what I do write gets deleted, with prejudice, in the cold light of morning, usually followed on by a bout of violent self-depreciation and graphic plot bunny abuse. I know what the ultimate result of the scene should be, but not how to get there and it's driving me NUTS.

For those of you on flist who write - what do you do in such a case? Do you, as I have done, sit and stare at your screen and tap out a few words hoping to release the floodgates, or do you give it a pass and move on to the next scene and just plan to come back and fill in the gaps later? If you do choose the 'fill in the gaps' method, do you ever have a hard time getting your ends to meet up properly?

In general, I prefer to write linearly. It keeps things in order in my head and makes referencing back and forth a bit easier for me. Leaving a gap fills me with an odd, lingering sense that I am forgetting something important until I go back and take care of it.

What's REALLY annoying is that my own brain is mocking me mercilessly by throwing up great ideas for later scenes, but helping me in no way, shape or form, to get through this one!

O, capricious muse, thou art a bitch!